Guns, Girls and Democracy.  Those are three things that seem to piss the Taliban off more than anything else.   And those three things about sum up the average American ground pounder.  Yes, you should probably throw in booze but that would ruin my post, so just ignore that.

Guns, we’ve got tons of them in about any caliber you could want.  There’s artillery, 2000 lbs bombs, small arms, you name we’ve got it.  This is Charlton Heston’s wet dream.  A gun for everybody and permission to use it as you see fit.  Muggings on the FOB are non-existent and I attribute that to the fact that everyone has a gun.  The Taliban hates the fact that we have more and better guns than he does. Sorry, Bro you picked the wrong side!

Democracy, the booger eaters are deathly afraid of the fact that if given the chance people will vote their asses out of here faster than a chow thief in Mountain Phase, check with your local Ranger for that last reference.  So we’re working on democracy here but it’s going slowly.

Girls, we don’t have any here and neither does the Taliban.  My hypothesis is that the whole suicide bomber thing is linked to sexual repression and their fear of women.  We on the other hand love women and we’ll shoot as many Taliban as possible so we can get back home to them.  Alas, though no women.

So what can we do to combine our three favorite things and our enemies least favorite, striking a death blow to the enemies to all that is great in America?

In ride the guys from Ranger Up with an ingenious scheme.  A scheme so bold, so brash and downright awesome we couldn’t help but sign on.  The Ranger Up Girl Contest.  Clausewitz himself couldn’t have thought of a better plan.  Proof that American ingenuity will win the day!

They explained that we could be celebrity judges for the contest and look at beautiful women without having stalking charges or a restraining order filed against us.  Many of us here were skeptical about the restraining order thing but Ranger Up assured us we were covered.

And with that we were in.

In addition you as readers can vote.  Click on the link below taking you to the contest and you’ll see that these women have to be avid supporters of the military. Another benefit is that by visiting through this link you’ve also been granted immunity from stalking accusations or prosecution.

You ladies out there need to vote too, this is representative government we’re putting our lives on the line for here.  So, yeah YOU TOO!

RANGER UP GIRL CONTEST

Now before you get too outraged about this, if you’re going to email me about how this is a terrible objectification of women.  Don’t.  I think I’ve adequately shown through my past history that I don’t care much for political correctness.  Also, my wife knows what I’m doing and she fully supports it, don’t try that tactic.  So give it a rest; put down your Yohoo; stop eating your cheetos and get out in public.  You’ll be OK trust me, if not, start reading the Taliban blogs instead.  You can see great ones at asskickedbyUS.com, or try, ieatboogers.com

So we’ve got the guns, Ranger Up has supplied the girls and you now get to exercise the right given to you by millions of troops; over the last 200 and something years.  Hit the link and vote for your favorite and strike a blow against the Taliban.  It’s your duty!